PPD - Postpartum Depression

I am a poised and strong willed person. I can never be sad or so I thought. When I was in medical school,I saw many cases of depression and always thought, how can they be so dejected, when you have so many things to revive you.

As I have mentioned it in my earlier posts, Life teaches you everyday. Shortly after our marriage, I conceived my older one. Okay don't judge me, but I really enjoyed my pregnancy. I enjoyed every moment of those months especially being my husband's utmost priority.

I was positive about everything as I have taken care of my nieces. I do not know when exactly it started but one thing which I still remember is myself anxious and scared of something just hours after the delivery. It was the same when returned home from the hospital, but things were better when I saw my family there. One thing which amazed me was, I was always exhausted or on the edge. My parents came to help us and stayed with us for 2 months. I remember hiding things from them, but I admit there were times when I completely lost it. Always blamed it on child, parents relations; because you do show tantrums to your parents right, easily camouflaged.

The few weeks later,a nurse came to visit my son and she told me that I need to see a doctor as I am suffering from postpartum depression. I tried to commit suicide many a times. One thing which always stopped me was my husband. He had taken a very good care of me and this was not how I wanted to repay him.

I was always anxious, worried,unable to sleep,lost my appetite. I cried almost all the time for no apparent reason. I do not wish this to happen even to my enemies. At one point I would remind myself of all the bad things said or happened,don't know why? From outside I was completely fine. No-one would have guessed. It was horrible-I felt bad for my baby and my husband. I wanted to snap out of it, but it was not easy, you know, when you had lost your ability to think straight and sagaciously.

After 7 months when i saw myself loosing the battle,we went to see my primary doctor. We talked about anti depressant but I did not want to take any medicine and my husband supported me for that. That was the point, where my husband took over the rein of my recovery. It took me longer to come out of it than the medicine. It took me well over a year, but I am really proud of my husband and myself and how we evolved through the whole experience.

I never discussed it with my family, till I was expecting my second child. That was almost 3 years later. We were scared. This time my OBGYN told us about many things like symptoms,helpline for mothers etc.

This whole experience has changed my perspective for life. Now I respect and value everything around me. It took me six years to share my experience. All I can say is you are not alone. There is help,just gather yourself together and take that first step,talk to someone.

All, Because ''you are special''!!!

Mother!!! 15 years back...

...........................................MOTHER............................................

15 years back, I was a self proclaimed polymath. My mother's one word of wisdom meant nothing to me, but now I confer with her on every aspect of my life.

15 years back, I never cared to embrace her, but now I miss everything about her.

15 years back, I preferred to spend time with my friends, but now I would give everything to be with her.

15 years back, I fancied restaurant food, but now I yearn for everything she cooked.

15 years back,I wanted to be independent, but now I count on her for everything.

Life teaches you, as you grow old. Life has brought me at this dogleg, where I revere her for everything. More than anything else, I respect her for the, “woman she is”!!!

I thank her for being my support system and everything else.

Whatever I am today and aspire to be in the future, I owe it to my mother.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

First Kitchen Garden

Growing up, I remember my parents very involved in gardening. It never intrigued me, but Hey! !who does not like rich verdure?

Thence, I decided to plant some vegetables and fruits. By no means, I am an expert. As a matter of fact, probably my level of horticulture knowledge is same as my kids .But the Internet is remarkable now. After getting some basic information and devising our kitchen garden. We went to the home depot,bought tomatoes, green chili,strawberry,basil, plastic planter box liner*,organic potting mix and organic plant food.

We wanted to get our hands dirty,the moment we reached home. My elder one helped my husband in filling the pot with the potting mix halfway through. We carefully removed the plants from their plastic cover and placed them in the box. Then gently covered their roots with the mixture of potting mix and plant food**. More than my kids,I am hankering for tomatoes. Kids were delighted to plant their own individual pea plants.***

Altogether, it was a very gratifying experience because it was our first project as a family. It was a learning lesson for all of us- playing in the soil,planting,teaching kids about nature and how delicate it is.

Time has changed a lot since my childhood. As a parent, I am trying to do my best, for my children to appreciate and admire the nature and not to take it for granted.

* I am planning to make wooden planter boxes myself. So we settled for plastic planter box liner.

** The Home depot guy was Courteous enough to answer and explain our questions.

*** We got germinated peas from the local fair, the next day.