PPD - Postpartum Depression

I am a poised and strong willed person. I can never be sad or so I thought. When I was in medical school,I saw many cases of depression and always thought, how can they be so dejected, when you have so many things to revive you.

As I have mentioned it in my earlier posts, Life teaches you everyday. Shortly after our marriage, I conceived my older one. Okay don't judge me, but I really enjoyed my pregnancy. I enjoyed every moment of those months especially being my husband's utmost priority.

I was positive about everything as I have taken care of my nieces. I do not know when exactly it started but one thing which I still remember is myself anxious and scared of something just hours after the delivery. It was the same when returned home from the hospital, but things were better when I saw my family there. One thing which amazed me was, I was always exhausted or on the edge. My parents came to help us and stayed with us for 2 months. I remember hiding things from them, but I admit there were times when I completely lost it. Always blamed it on child, parents relations; because you do show tantrums to your parents right, easily camouflaged.

The few weeks later,a nurse came to visit my son and she told me that I need to see a doctor as I am suffering from postpartum depression. I tried to commit suicide many a times. One thing which always stopped me was my husband. He had taken a very good care of me and this was not how I wanted to repay him.

I was always anxious, worried,unable to sleep,lost my appetite. I cried almost all the time for no apparent reason. I do not wish this to happen even to my enemies. At one point I would remind myself of all the bad things said or happened,don't know why? From outside I was completely fine. No-one would have guessed. It was horrible-I felt bad for my baby and my husband. I wanted to snap out of it, but it was not easy, you know, when you had lost your ability to think straight and sagaciously.

After 7 months when i saw myself loosing the battle,we went to see my primary doctor. We talked about anti depressant but I did not want to take any medicine and my husband supported me for that. That was the point, where my husband took over the rein of my recovery. It took me longer to come out of it than the medicine. It took me well over a year, but I am really proud of my husband and myself and how we evolved through the whole experience.

I never discussed it with my family, till I was expecting my second child. That was almost 3 years later. We were scared. This time my OBGYN told us about many things like symptoms,helpline for mothers etc.

This whole experience has changed my perspective for life. Now I respect and value everything around me. It took me six years to share my experience. All I can say is you are not alone. There is help,just gather yourself together and take that first step,talk to someone.

All, Because ''you are special''!!!